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Below are 20 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Matthew Cross' LiveJournal:

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Friday, February 11th, 2005
10:34 am
work again, finally. and good news... There's a particular job I'm interested in pursuing within the district, and as luck would have it, I'm subbing at that school today. I've brought a letter of introduction and met up with the administrator under which I'd be working if I got the job. Hopefully steps like that will help me bypass the bureaucratic nightmare that is the job-giving process in this town. He (the admin) seems like a very nice guy, and I've been called in to sub for him on Monday so we can do a little test run assignment. I've been told they're interviewing someone today for the job, but they're not necessarily under an obligation to give them the job. Hopefully, this will work out.

the full time job thing might not be the direction I end up taking for the near future, though... I've been talking with pops about going back to school, and I've sent away for information on some Canadian schools in Toronto and Kingston. Considering that my Canadian citizenship paperwork is starting to come through, schools to the wild north are starting to look like more of a viable option... they're so much cheaper, and I just like the feel of Canadia better. Some friends of mine from up that way came down through the states a few months ago. They wanted to know why everyone had ribbons on the back of their cars. I said, "that's how we express our patriotism and show support for our army. We buy magnets." They still didn't understand. I guess I don't either, now that I mention it.

Sounds and words tonight, Nora and I have been practicing. Matt Sneed will be there. It will be a night to remember. Then, as far as I know, Amos and company are playing at UR afterwards, it might be a full night of music for me. Party party. I'm covering one of Amos's songs tonight, if my voice will hold up. It's a jazzy little number about Willy Wonka. I've been practicing, we'll see if my throat is up to it.

so, hope to see some faces there...
Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
10:47 pm
I thought, "I want to tell her I'm sorry for all the times I was an inconsiderate jerk..."

and then I started thinking of more and more people to whom I was an inconsiderate jerk.

and it got overwhelming.

I don't have my head on very straight.
Thursday, January 27th, 2005
10:21 pm
waking up at 2 in the morning last night with my nose stuffed up to all hell was the best thing that's happened to me in days, in a social sense...

I got up and showered to clear things up a little bit, which gave me some limited relief, but I take what I can get these days. I came back to find a message from my old roommate from college regarding my new recording, and we traded tracks for a while and talked about things. I've been getting great response from this new recording... Everyone's got something nice to say about it, and everyone seems to "get" it. A lot of people are saying, "I really really liked it, except for this *one* line...", but for everyone, it's a different line, and a few of the lines are coming up one person's favorite, and another's fly in the ointment. I take these things all as signs that it's a good song.

THEN, Sam Colclough from California IMed me and we talked about guitars and stuff he's been working on, and my songwriting and guitar playing philosophy. Then, we put on the talk function on the IM box, and I gave him a lesson in two-handed guitar tapping over the internet. That was a lot of fun, and he picked up on it right away. He was psyched about the possibilities, and came up with a couple of his own melodies on the spot. Good times.

THEN, Ariel Meltzer from RIT IMed me for chitting and chatting. She told me all about her ideals and some boy problems and the upcoming vagina monologues, and we arranged to meet for a cloudy rochester sunrise over at the Institute. *Insert Grim Realization Here* my car was entirely surrounded by snow, and there was an even taller bank right in front of it from the plow ridge by the side of the road... 5:30 AM, I start digging... 1 hour, a lot of tire spinning, a LOT of shovelling, and one mess of a driveway later, I dislodged the car and headed over...

I said to myself, through my congested sinuses, through the snow blowing back up into my face, through the sub-zero 6 AM rochester air, with a dark sky turning grey, sweaty chest under a winter jacket, plastic shovel through a block of ice, fighting a battle of inches...

"we talk about love and loving like a concept, like it's an intangible something or other that we just can't grasp but we know is there... and I might not know you that well, and I might not see you that often, and I might be dropping you off at some other guy's house after our little breakfast, but honey...

if this isn't love, I don't know what is."
Monday, January 24th, 2005
5:24 pm
oh, these smokey, mysterious portraits we paint of ourselves. I've been browsing around MySpace, everyone's this emo explosion of a billion bands and a picture of them looking listlessly at something besides the camera. Everyone seems so intriguing, like a funny little universe of sex appeal and stylishness and unnatural poses. I should take a picture of my dirty bathroom and post it for my MySpace background...

a few shows coming up, with Nora on the 11th at Daily Perks, and then a few in corning. I hope everyone will come out to the daily perks show, it's bound to be a good time. Nora and I have been practicing, we've got a few good numbers, and Matt Sneed will open the show.

Time to arrange some dinner for myself. there's gotta be something tasty around.
Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
12:39 pm
this will not do.

no, no, no.

this simply will not do.

chilly, soggy sleeptimes do not lead to restfulness.

they lead to bitter, tossing wakefulness, and no sleep. or well divided sleep that my daytime easily conquers, leaving me weary and flat.

weary and flat!!!!

I wish I was going to legball club. :/ I am not. Next week I'll go to legball club.

maybe I can get a comfortable night's sleep sometime between now and then...

too bad my spaceheater emits a cute little burning smell from the second you turn it on... why, you ask? the fan doesn't work. at all. So, it's basically a self-destructing little firebomb. Thanks, Bed, Bath, and Beyond.
Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
8:17 am
the first song i heard on the radio today when I turned on the car to go to work was Peter Irish's Funtastik Summer Classic '02 finals routine song. Nice surprise to have a random cold Tuesday start with a rush of footbag joy. Sessions have started back up at RIT, and the Great Lakes Area Shred Session is in 2 or 3 weeks. Life is good...

Thursday, December 30th, 2004
1:25 am
parallel universe

mary came thru town
Monday, December 27th, 2004
9:53 am
come on. get down.

with the sickness.

Chilly Philly 5 days away, and I've got the flu.... greaaaat. luckily, it's not too killer, and I'm hoping I can just take it easy for the next few days, and I'll be better by the weekend.

I was lucky the other day. The fat man in the red suit brought me a trip to Helsinki, Finnland next July so I can check out the World Footbag Championships... I'm considering going 2 weeks prior to Worlds to check out the European Championships, take a week off, and then go nuts for Worlds.

hawksley workman coming out one solitary speaker... the rest of my sound system on this old box is out of commish... all the good tunes are left over for my loungewear lifestyle a few years ago... there's some good stuff on here. Now I've got Five Leaves Left by Nick Drake playing... if you don't own this album, you should. it's one of my favorites to put on when it's time to pretend we're in love. Sam Beam is good for that too. These quiet guitar people are my favorites for drinking in dimly lit apartments and loving in chilly rooms under the covers.

This album floors me just like it used to... I haven't had it rotating in a while. I hope Nora will hear River Man by Nick Drake and want to play it for our show.

this entry brought to you by theraflu, head clearer and stomach upsetter extraordinaire...
Thursday, December 16th, 2004
11:11 am
i just wrote a LONG entry. LOOOOONG. and there's a "back" button on this mouse that I hit with my hand when I grabbed it. and it erased the WHOLE THING.... damnit. DAMNIT.

god damnit. that was a good entry. I hadn't done a good entry in a long time. I talked about birds and the end of the world and footbag and chilly philly and how I sat through the pledge of allegiance in the bathroom. it was great.


that pisses me off. because I'm all coffee'd up. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Saturday, December 4th, 2004
10:23 am
i'm going to be in canada for the next few days. if anyone wants me to bring them back liquor from duty free, super cheap, then this would be the place to request such purchases.
Monday, November 22nd, 2004
11:51 am
so yesterday, i was walking out to the car with my guitar to go to nora's house to play songs, and i put the guitar down next to my car in my driveway, unlocked the doors, got in the car, and drove away. guitar still in the driveway.

I got out of the car at nora's house, looked in the back for my guitar, realized what happened, and started to panic. for those of you that don't know, I don't live in the best neighborhood in town. I called max to see if he'd run downstairs and see if if it's still there or not. I had a vision of an old scraggly man quickly pushing a rickety shopping cart full of trash bags and aluminum cans down the street with a big wood golden brown rectangle sticking out of the top. Max picked up. "hello?" "max, I left my guitar down in the driveway a half hour ago when I left to go to nora's house. I need you to run downstairs and see if it's still there". by now, I'm about to buy a one-way ticket to conniption city, and max says, "hey, did you know I can record my own ring tones on my phone?", making my growing headache even worse.

at least my guitar survived a half hour alone in the driveway.

I'm going to have to be a little sharper than that in the future.

back to work.
Saturday, November 20th, 2004
1:01 pm
i was stuffing envelopes at work yesterday at Franklin High. I stuffed one for a student named "Chasity Jenkins"... What's next, young mister Libary Jones?

I have about 3 good songs that could use some induced labor or something... home to rome for turkey in a few days, to nora's home tomorrow to play songs. nora and I have a show in a few months. I don't know what we're going to play, but I'm sure a lot will come together. we'll use the power of cleverness.

that is all.
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
1:28 pm
contrary to popular belief, I have been known to update this thing.

I've been all over since I last wrote here... over to kingston for footbag... down near philly for footbag... to monticello for the NERFA conference, where I shuffled about the fading carpet and musty elevators, cursing the hole in my finger that kept me from playing... I revelled in The Tin Pan Caravan and the Wiyos and We're About 9. I revelled in my own blue mood and burned the midnight lamp... just trying to keep my eyes open, trying to keep that head up.

Last night was Jeff Buckley's birthday, I found to my surprise once Meza and I made it to the bar. Jeff must have known how much I loved him, because I was guided to another person who had been deeply touched by his music. Eddie was sitting along the eastern wall of the bar with a bucket full of ice and beer he was giving away in the name of the Ithaca Brewery. We hit it off and got to talking, and the buckley came right out. That's when I found that it was the man's birthday. I had to go make a phone call to my Forgetful friend, just to say hi and note the moment. So... on and on... we talked music, but mostly a lot of buckley. anyone who's talked buckley knows what I mean. Ed had to go meet a friend, and I was left in charge of the bucket of beer. I drank half of them and gave the other half away. Ed came back to the house afterwards, and we listened to grace and talked the talk. Ed thinks I should do his job. For 30k salary a year, a company car, working whenever I want, and a bucket full of beer for myself and everyone else every night... not bad. not bad at all.

funny all this buckley came up, he'd been in conversation so many times over the past few days, specifically his death. People keep mentioning that they thought he killed himself. I definitely don't. I don't see why anyone else would, either.

how did ed put it... buckley made beautiful a cool thing. That sounds like the ticket to me...
Thursday, October 21st, 2004
8:49 am
in the g'rage, I feel safe...
Last night was the house concert at 946 Garson Ave, although it was actually a garage concert. Space heater, patchouli, boxed wine, light bulbs strung up around extension cords and old carpet laid down to catch the drinks that got spilled... A friend of Pepe's played first, then I, then Anais Mitchell, then Robert Blake. What can I say about my set... i opened with Linus and Lucy, closed with Meredith, and played all the usual stuff in between. tippity tappity songs were well received and getting slightly more consistent, although a few songs were a little too flubful for me to be satisfied. Anais was my highlight for the night. She has a sweet, soft voice and gentle fingers that know what they're doing. She tells good stories. I like her. We're going to meet up at the NERFA conference and have some drinks. Someday, we'll share another carpeted garage party. Robert rambled, rolled, and rocked. He strummed and strained and crooned and joked and stood and sat and everything else a good rock star does. He drank and sang drinking songs. I drank wine and drank it in. Life was good to me last night. and it paid me, too. That's the best icing on the cake... having that great time and getting a few extra bucks at the end of the night. Gotta cover all those bases...
Friday, October 8th, 2004
10:02 am
if you could read a blog by anyone in the world, who would it be?

mine would probably be Rocco Siffredi... if you don't know who that is, and you're at work, I wouldn't google that name to find out if I was you. In fact, if you're not interested in the gory details concerning one of the most infamous adult film stars of all time, I wouldn't google that name ;) But how absurdly depraved would it be to read a weekly account of this guy's life, told like, "oh, this is normal. la dee da". It would be like, one extreme in action, and the other extreme in tone. an interesting study, indeed...

I'm playing at Soul Full Cup in Corning, NY tonight at 8. my first out of town gig at a place I've never been to, how exciting. I have to play from 8-10:30 with as many breaks as I like. I have a feeling I'll be doing a lot of breaks and a lot of covers and a lot of talking ;) I wish I had the proper battery charger for my digital camera so I could take some pictures while I'm down there. There's one for the wish list, I guess. A few more paychecks, a few more bucks in the bank acc't and I'll think about it. Or maybe I'll get crazy tips tonight and be rolling in the dough tomorrow and I can just cruise on over to Circuit City and get one. I also need a volume pedal for my guitar. The Rogue brand ones are only $20 or so on amazon. Soon, soon...

Whoever would like to drive / fly / goat me to Seattle for the Seattle Juggling and Footbag Festival in a month, say 'Aye'.
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
10:31 am
online journal takes thoughts internal and makes them public domain instead of private insane... I added some new friends to the list today; tom's on because us dorks have to stick together, and then I think I added bigdirtyfoot because he kicks legball as well. Legball players also have to stick together. I kicked my legball for 2 hours or so yesterday, and did a bunch of new tricks and drills. Then, I went to Daily Perks for open mic, and RNews (local news station) was there to tape for the event, and they got some footage of Lisa Bigwood and I for a feature they're doing on the event. Hopefully I'll make it onto the boob tube and some people will come see me play because of it.

heh, this entry is really just greasing the clock. and that really only gets you so far...
Thursday, September 9th, 2004
11:52 am
I swear. I'm gonna look up this Salisbury place, wherever it is, and send a letter... I've got some concerns about their steak. I just tried to eat some, and it SUCKED.

So. News... My weekly Thursday gig at Alexandria on East Ave has been changed from 11 PM to 10 PM. And what else... I have a gig at Soul Full Cup in Corning, NY on October 8th at 8 PM, just in case someone who reads this is in southwestern NY. I've never been there before, but I sent a demo a few months ago, and they're having me. I can't wait. And it's driving distance, so I can come home and crash afterwards. I tried sleeping in my car in West Virginia at the Mountain Stage NewSong Festival, and I've decided that I need to invest in a foam egg crate pad or two. that car is NOT comfortable...

Rochester Footbag is blowing up. Last year's newbs are getting more consistent, and we've even got a few new ones already for this year. Aric McIntosh is starting to bust some huge tricks, and Steve Gale is getting close to his first 3 dexterity trick. I've got some new originals in the works, too. The RIT Footbag Association wants to put on a tournament this coming spring, so with a lot of prep and a little luck, Rochester will host it's first footbag event. It's gonna be exciting to see how it plays out, considering that we've already started talking to a few big names on the east coast scene who would be available in the spring to come up and play. I'll post more as the event approaches, it should be great for spectators.

Paul thinks I rhyme too much. I think I got it from my mom. I shall resolve to rhyme spontaneously less frequently.
Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
2:00 am
back to the university... twice, tonight, I was approached with, "You said totally inappropriate thing X at some point in the past, how do you feel about that?" and both times, I had no recollection of the things I'd apparently said, but at the same time, it was conceivable that I had said them. i was repentant. It was heartfelt. Sorry that I pulled a TMI, Audrey. Sorry that I snubbed you, Laura. all healed now, I'm sure.

Amos played songs tonight. I'd say Amos is just about the best song player I know. He makes me wish I played songs more. The cat howling outside makes me wish I owned more small weapons. The rumble in my gut makes me wish I had gone to Wegman's today. Soon, gut. Soon...

How'd it get to be september so fast? the days just fly by. I'll have to keep an eye on them before they get a little momentum and slip right out from under me...

here's passing the screw on to you...
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2004
1:58 am
the day after... worlds has come and gone...

this evening, walking up to the coffee spigot, I saw a large group of people standing around, and I was filled with happiness until I got closer and realized there was no familiarity with these people... that's when I really felt that worlds was over. I had gotten used to large groups of people just hanging around that were entirely comprised of my friends, peers and idols alike, and now that's over. That's when I really missed my family of players...

the championships were unreal. where do I start... 6 hour drive or so, easy arrival. we park. one block walk down Sanguinet to Rene-Levesque, and we're at the hotel. we grab our room keys, drop our bags, and I line up for check-in while the others (Chris Dean, his girlfriend Sarah, and Adam Lynch) settle. I get to the front, fill out the forms. no money... back to the room, back of the line... I'm looking around, the room fills up... 5-6 Finns that I've only seen on video... they all look shorter. everyone looks shorter. I probably look shorter. the only one who doesn't look shorter is Maxime Boucoiran; I'd thought his quite tall doubles parter, Fred Touzelet, was of normal height.

Peter Irish arrives. I meet eyes with the champion, the god, the BEST... he smiles. we embrace... and I get that family feeling again. he's so much to me, such an inspiration, such a role model, and to have his friendship... indescribable. he's off to his room... more to see... overflow of faces...

I turn a bit as a feel a push from someone moving by... a blonde haired boy with a red and blue shirt and a huge black backpack. "Excuse me", says he, and keeps walking...

and I think,


that was fucking Vasek..."

I'd done so little thinking about Worlds, and had so few preconceptions that when it finally came, it just hit me in the face over and over again... it was amazing. The best player in the world, from the other side of the planet, just brushed past me. But no biggie, right? this is the main event...

I don't even know where to start with the rest of it... all week was party, shred, eat, sleep. That was it. Vasek hit the most inhuman tricks from both sides (videos will be out soon to explain for themselves). I met a nice girl from Poland to hold hands and kick hacks with. I made friends with Loren Baum and Justin Dale and Tom Mosher and got to hang out with Rick Reese, Red Husted... achh... I'm going to stop listing names... hacky sackers don't read this, I don't think... Just imagine heroes and homeboys... That's the footbag family.

enough... sleep...
Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
7:23 pm
some pictures from the fest...

There were lots more, but these were my favorites... I had a blast, despite... well, despite nothing out of the ordinary for a fest. so yeah. a blast.
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